Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
The "Take A Guy" / "Leave A Guy" Box
Perhaps some of you recall that Pastor Gary has been featured on NikonSniper in the past. He is still a crazy bike pedaling fool in mountain country and proved to still have the ultimate skill in athleticism when he climbed into a "Take One / Leave One" box in a Colorado cow town.
Gary has always wanted to have a blog of his own but he is a little too busy to have daily or even weekly posts. It takes him too long to type. HA!
So, Gary agreed to climb into this box for me as long as I told the world about his amazaing ability in photography. So, ... I am quite happy to show you some of his very best photos over the next few days. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did. Some of these photos would be impossible for me to get as I would never be able to handle the 15+ mile walk through bear country. Which is insane!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Hey Forrest ... I Got-s Tagged Again!
Edit from original post linked to Afiori.
I was tagged again. This time by Maria-Thérèse Andersson of Afiori. I am supposed to write seven things about myself and ask seven other creative bloggers to do the same. Generally, I am a conscientious objector to being tagged. I didn’t like getting tagged as a kid and well, not much has changed. I enjoy being arbitrary for absolutely no reason. I am trying to mellow … you know, at least photograph the roses if you won’t stop long enough to smell them. So, I will tell you seven things about me that only my family really knows.
1. On my first day of school I was sent home with a note pinned to my shirt requesting an immediate parent-teacher conference. So what, if she can’t take a joke! I wonder if she's still alive. That was 47 years ago. If she is ... guarantee ya ... she'd remember me. Folks, when you're cruisin' through life, ... don't forget to make an impression!
2. Around the time of my sixth birthday I was caught breaking patio windows in a building development. That’s what happens when there was absolutely nothing better to do and you’re in the hot Texas sun way too long. I don’t remember much singing or cake at my birthday. Actually, I don’t remember being conscious at all. I think it disturbed my father a bit as I recall.
3. In the second grade, my parents decided to change things up and send me to a private school where I could get whuped on a more regular or religious basis. And whuped I got! It was on the schedule. The schedule went something like this: It was Math – Reading – Whuped – Art – Whuped – Whuped Again - Science - Full Array of Whuppings During Recess - Spelling. She was a nice teacher though. My misbehavior wasn’t anything personal. I just needed a good whuping to get through a day. God bless Gladus Phillips!
4. In the third grade, we had old desks that still had ink wells in them. I filled mine up with drool just to gross out the girls. Sweet! I later slurped some back into my mouth only to discover that my teeth became blue from the old dried ink residue. Cool! Tasty too.
5. In the fifth grade, I was captured (called over to a squad car) by the local police in the town I was living in because I was stacking rocks on the train tracks at the main train station in broad daylight. Uh, ... smooth move! The officer was sitting right across from me in his car at the train station watching the whole thing with disbelief. Schmarts huh? I thought it would be cool to see the train crush them. It was a small town at the time. Police had nothing better to do than bring down an 11 year old. They used their night sticks on me for an hour or two. Can, c-can, c--, can we all get along?
6. I nearly got killed by a man for twisting a small piece of sandpaper on his daughters face when I was in the seventh grade. I guess I sorta liked her and was stupid about it. I really didn’t think it would hurt. Well, I ran from her Dad for a few years. I can't remember exactly what he said he was going to do to me, but I certainly believed him. Maybe he was a salesman. Well, anyway, that sorta cured me of interest in his daughter.
7. My mother is justifiably a saint for dealing with all of this. After I left home she found an easy adaptable career nursing to the mentally deranged! Oh, she has some big fancy more politically correct term for it but I can never remember things that are politically correct. I guess I just don't curtsey as much as I should. Anyway, you’re welcome Mom. Some people have to pay for that kind of on-the-job education. I was committed to giving you this experience for free while you were a-raisin' me.
My Mom is still alive and well. I know she can laugh a bit more today than when this kinda stuff was happening on a daily basis. My parents taught me that I was a sinner and I needed a Savior. And when I say I needed a Savior, ... I don't mean just from my Dad after doing something stupid! Being a sinner in need of a Savior was an easy truth for me to grasp and fully accept. Today, through Christ alone I have confidence in my eternal destiny. Nothing I can do could possibly earn it. Jesus did it all.
What a way to live ... assured! I have screwed up so many things in my life. Many things are far too embarrassing to reveal in a blog format. But, ... it is great to know that the Savior paid for all of those things on the cross that I could never make right. I hope you can find peace with God and lay your trust solely in His Son.
Now, I am tagging you all. If you are a regular NikonSniper reader, tell me seven things about yourself and let me know when they are on your blog so I can read em.
NikonSniper Steve
I was tagged again. This time by Maria-Thérèse Andersson of Afiori. I am supposed to write seven things about myself and ask seven other creative bloggers to do the same. Generally, I am a conscientious objector to being tagged. I didn’t like getting tagged as a kid and well, not much has changed. I enjoy being arbitrary for absolutely no reason. I am trying to mellow … you know, at least photograph the roses if you won’t stop long enough to smell them. So, I will tell you seven things about me that only my family really knows.
1. On my first day of school I was sent home with a note pinned to my shirt requesting an immediate parent-teacher conference. So what, if she can’t take a joke! I wonder if she's still alive. That was 47 years ago. If she is ... guarantee ya ... she'd remember me. Folks, when you're cruisin' through life, ... don't forget to make an impression!
2. Around the time of my sixth birthday I was caught breaking patio windows in a building development. That’s what happens when there was absolutely nothing better to do and you’re in the hot Texas sun way too long. I don’t remember much singing or cake at my birthday. Actually, I don’t remember being conscious at all. I think it disturbed my father a bit as I recall.
3. In the second grade, my parents decided to change things up and send me to a private school where I could get whuped on a more regular or religious basis. And whuped I got! It was on the schedule. The schedule went something like this: It was Math – Reading – Whuped – Art – Whuped – Whuped Again - Science - Full Array of Whuppings During Recess - Spelling. She was a nice teacher though. My misbehavior wasn’t anything personal. I just needed a good whuping to get through a day. God bless Gladus Phillips!
4. In the third grade, we had old desks that still had ink wells in them. I filled mine up with drool just to gross out the girls. Sweet! I later slurped some back into my mouth only to discover that my teeth became blue from the old dried ink residue. Cool! Tasty too.
5. In the fifth grade, I was captured (called over to a squad car) by the local police in the town I was living in because I was stacking rocks on the train tracks at the main train station in broad daylight. Uh, ... smooth move! The officer was sitting right across from me in his car at the train station watching the whole thing with disbelief. Schmarts huh? I thought it would be cool to see the train crush them. It was a small town at the time. Police had nothing better to do than bring down an 11 year old. They used their night sticks on me for an hour or two. Can, c-can, c--, can we all get along?
6. I nearly got killed by a man for twisting a small piece of sandpaper on his daughters face when I was in the seventh grade. I guess I sorta liked her and was stupid about it. I really didn’t think it would hurt. Well, I ran from her Dad for a few years. I can't remember exactly what he said he was going to do to me, but I certainly believed him. Maybe he was a salesman. Well, anyway, that sorta cured me of interest in his daughter.
7. My mother is justifiably a saint for dealing with all of this. After I left home she found an easy adaptable career nursing to the mentally deranged! Oh, she has some big fancy more politically correct term for it but I can never remember things that are politically correct. I guess I just don't curtsey as much as I should. Anyway, you’re welcome Mom. Some people have to pay for that kind of on-the-job education. I was committed to giving you this experience for free while you were a-raisin' me.
My Mom is still alive and well. I know she can laugh a bit more today than when this kinda stuff was happening on a daily basis. My parents taught me that I was a sinner and I needed a Savior. And when I say I needed a Savior, ... I don't mean just from my Dad after doing something stupid! Being a sinner in need of a Savior was an easy truth for me to grasp and fully accept. Today, through Christ alone I have confidence in my eternal destiny. Nothing I can do could possibly earn it. Jesus did it all.
What a way to live ... assured! I have screwed up so many things in my life. Many things are far too embarrassing to reveal in a blog format. But, ... it is great to know that the Savior paid for all of those things on the cross that I could never make right. I hope you can find peace with God and lay your trust solely in His Son.
Now, I am tagging you all. If you are a regular NikonSniper reader, tell me seven things about yourself and let me know when they are on your blog so I can read em.
NikonSniper Steve
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Would I Do Stupid Things For A Photo?
Memories of photographic stupidity over the years.
On an old post, Elaine from Fairbanks, AK (See http://akelaine.blogspot.com/), made this comment to me. "Of course, you would never climb over any fences in your pursuit of the perfect photo!"
I do know Elaine said this in jest because most photographers take some small risks ... even if they don't realize it. BUT, I actually think I have done some of the stupidest things possible to get photos. Many of those things were actually unintentional ... which I believe to be proof positive that there has been a half-dozen angels assigned to watch my footsteps.
Several years ago, I was on a trip north of Jackson Hole and nearly got mauled by Buffalo, Moose and a pack of Wolves all in a 24 hour period. My wife saved my life several times that day by alerting me to the errors of my ways. I would get back to the safety of the rental car, out of breath from the run from something large only to speed away gasping ... "Wow, that was stupid-er than my last stupid-er risk."
The State Trooper (kind gentleman) said "Sir, you can't go into the buffalo field. Thems ain't cows out there." Who knew? Pardon my st-st-st-stupidness officer ... but I am from the Obama State which, I later learned, means there is an additional tax on my citations.
Elaine's comment stuck with me about going over fences to get photos. Last June while traveling in the State of Washington, I was totally ga-ga for the beautiful views of the wild running blue-green rivers with their forest backdrops. I drive cars with my head on a swivel looking for the perfect photo and I have a very bad habit of pulling over with little to no warning ... usually with a horn blowing sound from behind me. Uh, If that was you ... I'm sorry, I know I'm a @%$# jerk (I heard you) but somebody has to get these photos.
There I was on the side of a mountain overlooking a beautiful river and I absolutely had to stop. I parked the car (left it running) and jumped out and started to take the photos. As I was running through 30-40 shots I began to feel that perhaps a better shot was just a bit down the side of the mountain where there was a better clearing of trees. So, I reasoned that if I just stepped over the guard rail I could negotiate dropping down another 10 feet for that shot by grabbing and hanging on from one small tree stump to the next.
Now, if you knew me, you would know that I am not exactly knowledgeable of the ballet steps required to make such an artistic maneuver. But, again, if you knew me, you would also know that I suffered brain damage while running into a football goal post about 30 years ago ... so, this eliminates my ability to assess whether or not I am able to pull off a stunt like this until I am actually in perial from attempting said stunt. Does that make sense?
SO THERE I WAS ... having a great day, when I bravely stuck my first leg over the guard rail. Now, while resting my 50 year old BUTTOCK on top of the guard rail I threw my second leg over and began to negotiate a rather step angle not quite expected. This is where it got fun real fast. I quickly learned in about 0.2 seconds that little stones, pine cones and pine needle droppings make for a very acceptable summer toboggan surface.
Before I really could even think ... I was dropping. And dropping VERY FAST. End over end, finally slaming into larger rocks about a 20' roll down toward the river. I felt sharp pain in my left knee and was actually afraid to look in case my lower leg was another 20' further down the hill. Well, I discovered that I just hit my knee on a rock, no blood, and it was still there. (Sidenote: If you are a real photographer there won't be a scratch on your camera when you land because you used our own body to protect your camera all the way down that cliff. However, when you arrive at Motel 6 later that evening and take off your tee-shirt ... a true photographer will look like a 12 pack of teenagers on JOLT-cola were hitting you repeatedly with sticks with nails for about 10 minutes.) I have A-D-D so let's move immediately to yet another ... (Sidenote: Learning to field dress your own wounds is a priceless bonus for the wilderness wannabee photographer.)
Well, I limped and climbed back UP to the place that I wanted to drop DOWN to take the photo. I passed that spot on the way down but I wasn't quite able to get the shot I wanted while rolling end over end with my camera firmly tucked into my navel. I took the shot. It was awful. No better than from above where I was in the first place. I climbed the rest of the way back up that hill by bracing my feet on the tree stumps. I did discover that going up was easier than going down. I reached and finally grabbed the guard rail from which this Shuttle Mission began and pulled myself back up to LEVEL terra firma.
I looked over to where my car was parked and thought Ughhhh, ........ it was gone! Suddenly I became quite frantic. How am I going to explain that to AVIS? I figured someone must have drove off with the car and all my belongings. I thought I was going to have a heart attack for a second. I started walking closer to where I had left the car. Where was it? I walked another 30' and there it was. The car was right where I left it but it was hidden behind a tree with a 12'-16' diameter trunk. Boy ... was I relieved. I thought I would lose my mind if I was stranded ... and there is only a small piece of it left. I had no cell phone BUT I did have my camera and I would be able to continue shooting photos ... as I walked back to Chicago.
I got back in the car and just sat there thanking God for protecting me in my sheer stupidity. All my angels were in the back seat high-fiving and laughing their butts off as I continue to entertain them with my foolishness. I swear I could hear them gasping to breathe while laughing out the words, "Did you see that?, ... What an idiot!" They were laughing even louder when about another mile down the road there was a beautiful rest spot to get easy and way better photos than from where I had just tried to kill myself.
NikonSniper Steve
On an old post, Elaine from Fairbanks, AK (See http://akelaine.blogspot.com/), made this comment to me. "Of course, you would never climb over any fences in your pursuit of the perfect photo!"
I do know Elaine said this in jest because most photographers take some small risks ... even if they don't realize it. BUT, I actually think I have done some of the stupidest things possible to get photos. Many of those things were actually unintentional ... which I believe to be proof positive that there has been a half-dozen angels assigned to watch my footsteps.
Several years ago, I was on a trip north of Jackson Hole and nearly got mauled by Buffalo, Moose and a pack of Wolves all in a 24 hour period. My wife saved my life several times that day by alerting me to the errors of my ways. I would get back to the safety of the rental car, out of breath from the run from something large only to speed away gasping ... "Wow, that was stupid-er than my last stupid-er risk."
The State Trooper (kind gentleman) said "Sir, you can't go into the buffalo field. Thems ain't cows out there." Who knew? Pardon my st-st-st-stupidness officer ... but I am from the Obama State which, I later learned, means there is an additional tax on my citations.
Elaine's comment stuck with me about going over fences to get photos. Last June while traveling in the State of Washington, I was totally ga-ga for the beautiful views of the wild running blue-green rivers with their forest backdrops. I drive cars with my head on a swivel looking for the perfect photo and I have a very bad habit of pulling over with little to no warning ... usually with a horn blowing sound from behind me. Uh, If that was you ... I'm sorry, I know I'm a @%$# jerk (I heard you) but somebody has to get these photos.
There I was on the side of a mountain overlooking a beautiful river and I absolutely had to stop. I parked the car (left it running) and jumped out and started to take the photos. As I was running through 30-40 shots I began to feel that perhaps a better shot was just a bit down the side of the mountain where there was a better clearing of trees. So, I reasoned that if I just stepped over the guard rail I could negotiate dropping down another 10 feet for that shot by grabbing and hanging on from one small tree stump to the next.
Now, if you knew me, you would know that I am not exactly knowledgeable of the ballet steps required to make such an artistic maneuver. But, again, if you knew me, you would also know that I suffered brain damage while running into a football goal post about 30 years ago ... so, this eliminates my ability to assess whether or not I am able to pull off a stunt like this until I am actually in perial from attempting said stunt. Does that make sense?
SO THERE I WAS ... having a great day, when I bravely stuck my first leg over the guard rail. Now, while resting my 50 year old BUTTOCK on top of the guard rail I threw my second leg over and began to negotiate a rather step angle not quite expected. This is where it got fun real fast. I quickly learned in about 0.2 seconds that little stones, pine cones and pine needle droppings make for a very acceptable summer toboggan surface.
Before I really could even think ... I was dropping. And dropping VERY FAST. End over end, finally slaming into larger rocks about a 20' roll down toward the river. I felt sharp pain in my left knee and was actually afraid to look in case my lower leg was another 20' further down the hill. Well, I discovered that I just hit my knee on a rock, no blood, and it was still there. (Sidenote: If you are a real photographer there won't be a scratch on your camera when you land because you used our own body to protect your camera all the way down that cliff. However, when you arrive at Motel 6 later that evening and take off your tee-shirt ... a true photographer will look like a 12 pack of teenagers on JOLT-cola were hitting you repeatedly with sticks with nails for about 10 minutes.) I have A-D-D so let's move immediately to yet another ... (Sidenote: Learning to field dress your own wounds is a priceless bonus for the wilderness wannabee photographer.)
Well, I limped and climbed back UP to the place that I wanted to drop DOWN to take the photo. I passed that spot on the way down but I wasn't quite able to get the shot I wanted while rolling end over end with my camera firmly tucked into my navel. I took the shot. It was awful. No better than from above where I was in the first place. I climbed the rest of the way back up that hill by bracing my feet on the tree stumps. I did discover that going up was easier than going down. I reached and finally grabbed the guard rail from which this Shuttle Mission began and pulled myself back up to LEVEL terra firma.
I looked over to where my car was parked and thought Ughhhh, ........ it was gone! Suddenly I became quite frantic. How am I going to explain that to AVIS? I figured someone must have drove off with the car and all my belongings. I thought I was going to have a heart attack for a second. I started walking closer to where I had left the car. Where was it? I walked another 30' and there it was. The car was right where I left it but it was hidden behind a tree with a 12'-16' diameter trunk. Boy ... was I relieved. I thought I would lose my mind if I was stranded ... and there is only a small piece of it left. I had no cell phone BUT I did have my camera and I would be able to continue shooting photos ... as I walked back to Chicago.
I got back in the car and just sat there thanking God for protecting me in my sheer stupidity. All my angels were in the back seat high-fiving and laughing their butts off as I continue to entertain them with my foolishness. I swear I could hear them gasping to breathe while laughing out the words, "Did you see that?, ... What an idiot!" They were laughing even louder when about another mile down the road there was a beautiful rest spot to get easy and way better photos than from where I had just tried to kill myself.
NikonSniper Steve
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Welcome To Canada
These are brilliantly done "talking animal" videos. What a great idea. Click on the Facebook link for Andrew Grantham to find out more about this very cool idea. You can also look at this direct Youtube Site for Talking Animals. Click the link to view an interview with Andrew to learn a bit more about the man behind this humor.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Gotta Love Teasing The Dog
This is hilarious! It's just a link ... I didn't do this! I just want you all to see it. Especially our daughter, Tara who left her German Shepherd with us while she is stationed in South Korea. The dialog is just perfect.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Growing Up
Maybe, ... I am really growing up now. Oh, I'm not really betting on it yet.
I'm nearly 52. I still behave like a teenager with access to a bank account, credit cards and wheels just waiting to take me anywhere I feel like going. Gosh, I love my wife! She still let's me go out to play. I have five kids ... uh, she has six.
I really do live a willy nilly existence and I think it helps me feel a bit younger. Well, ... I just had one of those weekends that was a bit like taking a tour with the ghost of Christmas Past. Where did the years go?
I saw the last of our five children graduate high school and had another daughter leave for Army combat basic training on the same weekend. It was a bit over-whelming. Emotional ping pong. That's the kind of day that make ya feel a little older. OK, I will admit I have a few gray hairs now ... mixed in with the ones that are completely white. I feel tired quicker than I used to. Naps have become great entertainment between acting retarded for my 5 grandkids. I have pills for everything. Wrinkles! Yes, and now ... I have discovered I even have smaller wrinkles in my wrinkles.
I don't ride the rides at amusement parks anymore. I'd rather photograph them from the parking lot than feel weird. I mean weird like ... Is that a heart attack or just gas? I am the idiot that was rushed to emergency with chest pains after eating 2 bags of salsa flavored sunflower seeds. Get off my back ... they were good. I coulda ate three bags.
I listen to music louder than ever because my wife swears I can't hear anything she says. I have been told that my favorite word is "Huh". Q-tips are now as important as soap. It isn't that I don't want to hear ... I just can't. Honey can you fix the washing machine? Huh?
Not only could my boys kick and enjoy kicking my butt ... but this has now also become true of my daughters. I ache! I used to be able to throw a football 53-55 yards (not that long ago). Now, I just own a football. Warming up is critical before I warm up. I wear snow gear to football games in October just to keep my blood flowing.
My kids, usually led by Braff Zackton mock me openly because they know I won't waste the energy to get up and challenge them. I have to remind people that I used to be more active and that I had a pulse that was easy to find. I wonder sometimes if I should just get my name and address tattooed to me so that they know where to take me when I wander off aimlessly.
But am I really growing up? Nope! In fact, I really wonder how many of you feel like your growing up versus just getting a higher number attached to your age. I think I want to continue feeling young by doing stupid things right up to the end. I hope I can do some really embarrassing things for my kids to have to witness. That would be awesome! I might even be able to fake it for a few years just to get them back. "Mom, Dad wet his pants again!"
It's one thing to remember having a foolish period of time in your life ... but I might just prefer being stupid forever.
Yeah, that's me!
NikonSniper Steve
I'm nearly 52. I still behave like a teenager with access to a bank account, credit cards and wheels just waiting to take me anywhere I feel like going. Gosh, I love my wife! She still let's me go out to play. I have five kids ... uh, she has six.
I really do live a willy nilly existence and I think it helps me feel a bit younger. Well, ... I just had one of those weekends that was a bit like taking a tour with the ghost of Christmas Past. Where did the years go?
I saw the last of our five children graduate high school and had another daughter leave for Army combat basic training on the same weekend. It was a bit over-whelming. Emotional ping pong. That's the kind of day that make ya feel a little older. OK, I will admit I have a few gray hairs now ... mixed in with the ones that are completely white. I feel tired quicker than I used to. Naps have become great entertainment between acting retarded for my 5 grandkids. I have pills for everything. Wrinkles! Yes, and now ... I have discovered I even have smaller wrinkles in my wrinkles.
I don't ride the rides at amusement parks anymore. I'd rather photograph them from the parking lot than feel weird. I mean weird like ... Is that a heart attack or just gas? I am the idiot that was rushed to emergency with chest pains after eating 2 bags of salsa flavored sunflower seeds. Get off my back ... they were good. I coulda ate three bags.
I listen to music louder than ever because my wife swears I can't hear anything she says. I have been told that my favorite word is "Huh". Q-tips are now as important as soap. It isn't that I don't want to hear ... I just can't. Honey can you fix the washing machine? Huh?
Not only could my boys kick and enjoy kicking my butt ... but this has now also become true of my daughters. I ache! I used to be able to throw a football 53-55 yards (not that long ago). Now, I just own a football. Warming up is critical before I warm up. I wear snow gear to football games in October just to keep my blood flowing.
My kids, usually led by Braff Zackton mock me openly because they know I won't waste the energy to get up and challenge them. I have to remind people that I used to be more active and that I had a pulse that was easy to find. I wonder sometimes if I should just get my name and address tattooed to me so that they know where to take me when I wander off aimlessly.
But am I really growing up? Nope! In fact, I really wonder how many of you feel like your growing up versus just getting a higher number attached to your age. I think I want to continue feeling young by doing stupid things right up to the end. I hope I can do some really embarrassing things for my kids to have to witness. That would be awesome! I might even be able to fake it for a few years just to get them back. "Mom, Dad wet his pants again!"
It's one thing to remember having a foolish period of time in your life ... but I might just prefer being stupid forever.
Yeah, that's me!
NikonSniper Steve
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Braff Zackton To The Rescue
Well folks, ... I did it again and I have finally got the courage to write about my extrodinary stupidity. Sure anyone can run out of gas. But can you do it twice. Last time I ran out of gas I was on the top of a mountain and coasted 2 miles into Payson, AZ to get to a gas station. I coasted and pulled right up to the pump. Can you believe it? Well, ... not this time.
I pulled into La Junta, CO a couple of days ago for my last stop of the day. I noticed I needed gas but I also noticed some cool things to photograph. I kept taking pictures for almost an hour and started my way back to Pueblo, CO. I looked down when the car started screaming at me and it was flashing "YOU MORON ... YOU ARE OUT OF GAS ... AGAIN"! Neat feature on the Saturns. It said I was out of gas but I was still going for about another mile ... then I was officially out of gas.
While sitting on the side of Highway 50 ... I called Braff Zackton. For those of you who don't know ... Braff is the guy who bails people out of trouble in transport trucks all day long for a living. Braff is my go to guy when I do really stupid things on the highway.
Well, Braff ... started laughing and hung up on me. When I called back I could still hear him laughing and he hung up on me again. The third time I realized I was actually losing power from a cell phone that was empty and he might not be hanging up. So THERE I WAS ... No gas. No phone. Coyotes starting to howl. I was feeling a bit like dinner.
I charged my cell phone for a few minutes while people screamed past me ignoring the old white haired man with his flashers blaring on the highway. I would have had better luck getting help if I parked in the middle of the highway. After enough juice got into the phone I called Braff Zackton again and shouted my GPS cordinates into the phone as he typed furiously into Delta Gas Force. The next thing I know a Colorado cop is looking into my eyes saying, "Sir, Braff called me and said you are a Moron and that this isn't the first time you have run out of gas on a highway". I said, "Uh, that's me. The officer gets me to show him ID and then says he will take me to get gas.
The funny thing is that he was required to "pat-me-down" or "frisk me" or "search me" depending on your taste in being personally scrutinized. I would have killed for photos of me with my hands spread on top of the squad car. In my head I kept hearing, "Bad boys, bad boys ... whatcha gonna do when the come for you".
I was in the back of the squad car when he had to walk around and let me out of the back door at a crowded gas station. I had to buy a gas can inside the store. I felt like saying, STICK em UP! You know, as a joke, but the guy behind the counter was one of the crazy looking Colorado guys that probably had a few funnier jokes of his own that could send me back through the store wondow in some kinda tazed state running from buckshot.
The Colorado State Police Officer was a great help. He just kept smiling at me and looking in his rear view mirror and saying, "Dude, you better not spill that gas back there". Well, I didn't. The officer did ask me if I wanted to wear the cuffs while I tried putting the gas in the car. That was funny.
Well either way. Braff kept me from walking out into traffic during my two hour prayer meeting on highway 5-0 ... so I guess I will live to photograph again. Thanks Braff.
NikonSniper Steve
I pulled into La Junta, CO a couple of days ago for my last stop of the day. I noticed I needed gas but I also noticed some cool things to photograph. I kept taking pictures for almost an hour and started my way back to Pueblo, CO. I looked down when the car started screaming at me and it was flashing "YOU MORON ... YOU ARE OUT OF GAS ... AGAIN"! Neat feature on the Saturns. It said I was out of gas but I was still going for about another mile ... then I was officially out of gas.
While sitting on the side of Highway 50 ... I called Braff Zackton. For those of you who don't know ... Braff is the guy who bails people out of trouble in transport trucks all day long for a living. Braff is my go to guy when I do really stupid things on the highway.
Well, Braff ... started laughing and hung up on me. When I called back I could still hear him laughing and he hung up on me again. The third time I realized I was actually losing power from a cell phone that was empty and he might not be hanging up. So THERE I WAS ... No gas. No phone. Coyotes starting to howl. I was feeling a bit like dinner.
I charged my cell phone for a few minutes while people screamed past me ignoring the old white haired man with his flashers blaring on the highway. I would have had better luck getting help if I parked in the middle of the highway. After enough juice got into the phone I called Braff Zackton again and shouted my GPS cordinates into the phone as he typed furiously into Delta Gas Force. The next thing I know a Colorado cop is looking into my eyes saying, "Sir, Braff called me and said you are a Moron and that this isn't the first time you have run out of gas on a highway". I said, "Uh, that's me. The officer gets me to show him ID and then says he will take me to get gas.
The funny thing is that he was required to "pat-me-down" or "frisk me" or "search me" depending on your taste in being personally scrutinized. I would have killed for photos of me with my hands spread on top of the squad car. In my head I kept hearing, "Bad boys, bad boys ... whatcha gonna do when the come for you".
I was in the back of the squad car when he had to walk around and let me out of the back door at a crowded gas station. I had to buy a gas can inside the store. I felt like saying, STICK em UP! You know, as a joke, but the guy behind the counter was one of the crazy looking Colorado guys that probably had a few funnier jokes of his own that could send me back through the store wondow in some kinda tazed state running from buckshot.
The Colorado State Police Officer was a great help. He just kept smiling at me and looking in his rear view mirror and saying, "Dude, you better not spill that gas back there". Well, I didn't. The officer did ask me if I wanted to wear the cuffs while I tried putting the gas in the car. That was funny.
Well either way. Braff kept me from walking out into traffic during my two hour prayer meeting on highway 5-0 ... so I guess I will live to photograph again. Thanks Braff.
NikonSniper Steve
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
3.8 Earthquake In Chicago?
So, I fly home again tomorrow morning. I heard on the radio that I missed a Chicago snow storm and apparently an earthquake. An earthquake? Huh? Here I am in Los Angeles (earthquake co-capital of the USA) and I missed the Chicago earthquake. I called my wife to learn that the quake got our huge chime bells going in the middle of the night.
This morning I was telling people at the LA Times about our very own 3.8 Illinois earthquake. They laughed at me. They mocked our earthquake. One gentlemen told me he regularly has gas worse than 3.8. I excused myself from the loud heckling. This is probably huge news in Iowa. Yeah, ... I bet they wouldn't laugh.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Over The Top Award
The Sylvester Stalone "Over The Top" Award
... for Sissy Blogs Is Mine At Last!
Wow, I just won my very first award with an apron on it … thanks to JordieGirl in the lovely UK. “UK” is not Upper Kentucky unless you’re from LA ... which is Lower Alabama. Anyway, go see her very cool blog when you get a moment.
Well, as I was saying … I am sure you all know I have won my share of awards in my lifetime including that third place (white and wrinkled) ribbon in the 4th grade all-school kick ball championships in Mesquite, Texas. BUT, I have never won ANYTHING with an apron on it. What joy! Truthfully, I am feelin’ kinda weepy about this notoriety.
According to the RULES … which everyone here knows … I am not exactly a rules kinda guy. In fact, I break rules if they exist to this day and I am not at all afraid to advertise that. I’m sick of rules in all forms. Well, not quite, but almost.
I have decided not to fight all the media coverage that has been thrusted upon me and our family as a direct result of being the recipient of this most prestigious lifetime achievement award. Apparently, I have to answer some questions for the record ... but I am not sure why. I think they sent the wrong questions.
So ... as JordieGirl so eloquently said in her acceptance speech, … "Let’s get on with those flipping questions now”!
1. Where is your phone?
I never know where it is until it rings.
2. Your hair?
Very grey but I am not attending hair club meetings. However, I do like clubs.
3. Your Mother?
Still Mom. Ate pea soup at her house tonight.
4. Your Father?
In heaven. Probably waiting to slug me for all those jokes at the funeral.
5. Your favourite food?
Too many. Wife makes everything. Chelsea spaghetti is up there.
6. Your dream last night?
I am on way too many pills to remember stuff that happens when I am awake. Forget remembering dreams.
7. Your favourite drink?
I just noticed that favorite = favourite in the lovely UK. Drink? Hmmm, what’s the temperature? Mom’s tea, McDonalds coffee, Red’s turpentine. Bring it on!
8. Your dream/goal?
Middle management, trailer home, and seniors discounts! That’s livin’ the dream.
9. What room are you in?
My wife’s bedroom. I am on the road too much to call it mine.
10. Your hobby?
Photography? Knaw! That’s a way of life to me, not a hobby! Now “being arbitrary” THAT’s a hobby!
11. Your fear?
I fear less everyday but maybe it’s not being able to solve all my problems. I thought I could years ago or at least I was foolish enough to think I could.
12. Where do you want to be in six years?
That’s easy! I would like to be eating crackers in one of the party rooms at the Bartonville State Asylum in Peoria, Illinois. “IT’S MY TURN TO HOLD THE GUINEA PIG!!!”
13. Where were you last night?
At home in Illinois.
14. Something that you’re not?
Afraid to put my foot in my mouth. I like it!
15. Muffins?
I thought you would never ask. After all you had two big plates sitting in front of me for the last half hour. I already ate three when you walked out of the room between question 4 and 7.
16. Wishlist item?
Nothing? Who says nothing? OK … let’s see, I want a wallet big enough to stash the national debt in $5 bills. Then I want to walk in and pay it off … but I want members of the Senate and House of Representatives (OF BOTH PARTIES) to take turns counting out the bills to make sure I pay them the correct amount. Yeah, that way they would be useful for a change!
17. Where did you grow up?
I have spent major portions of my life in the suburbs of three major cities. They are Toronto, Chicago and Dallas. I have yet to show any inclination to actually grow up. Still crazy after all these years.
18. Last thing you did?
THIS! I know I got that right!
19. What are you wearing?
A large tube sock! Sassy!
20. Your TV?
I do not own a TV. I got sick of it.
21. Your pets?
My wife owns a Rat Terrier and me.
22. Friends?
Oh yeah!
23. Your life?
One Adam Twelve, One Adam Twelve.
24. Your mood?
Umm, I don’t know. I’m not in jail.
25. Missing someone?
Really no. Does that sound bad? Is everyone supposed to miss someone? I feel like Boy George singing “I know you’ll miss me, I know you’ll miss me”. I am not missing anyone that I won’t see again. So, I really have no capacity to miss them. I miss my family when I am out of town for extended periods. BUT RIGHT NOW, I am home so I am not missin’ anybody. I think this means I should spend more time missing people. Maybe I miss some relatives. That’s a great line! Now they need to guess who they are!
26. Vehicle?
My wife has a car. I bought it but I really only get to drive an AVIS rental car in cities far away.
27. Something you’re not wearing?
Gee, what kind of sicko would ask that? OK, I gotta say underwear to make my family sick.
28. Your favourite store?
Coles Supermarket in Port Douglas, QLD, Australia.
29. Your Favourite colour?
Green! Geniuses pick green … but you didn’t pick it.
30. When was the last time you laughed?
I saw my Great Grandma fall down two flights of stairs this morning. I was dying.
31. The last time you cried?
Right after my Great Grandma got her Colt pistol out of her purse.
32. Your best friend?
She knows.
33. One place that I go to over and over?
The bathroom.
34. Facebook?
My teacher used to say “Face the wall and read your book.”
35. Favourite place to eat?
The courtyard in front of Coles Supermarket in Port Douglas, QLD, Australia.
Well, I am finally finished.Thanks again for the “Over The Top” Award JordieGirl.
NikonSniper Steve
Wow, I just won my very first award with an apron on it … thanks to JordieGirl in the lovely UK. “UK” is not Upper Kentucky unless you’re from LA ... which is Lower Alabama. Anyway, go see her very cool blog when you get a moment.
Well, as I was saying … I am sure you all know I have won my share of awards in my lifetime including that third place (white and wrinkled) ribbon in the 4th grade all-school kick ball championships in Mesquite, Texas. BUT, I have never won ANYTHING with an apron on it. What joy! Truthfully, I am feelin’ kinda weepy about this notoriety.
According to the RULES … which everyone here knows … I am not exactly a rules kinda guy. In fact, I break rules if they exist to this day and I am not at all afraid to advertise that. I’m sick of rules in all forms. Well, not quite, but almost.
I have decided not to fight all the media coverage that has been thrusted upon me and our family as a direct result of being the recipient of this most prestigious lifetime achievement award. Apparently, I have to answer some questions for the record ... but I am not sure why. I think they sent the wrong questions.
So ... as JordieGirl so eloquently said in her acceptance speech, … "Let’s get on with those flipping questions now”!
1. Where is your phone?
I never know where it is until it rings.
2. Your hair?
Very grey but I am not attending hair club meetings. However, I do like clubs.
3. Your Mother?
Still Mom. Ate pea soup at her house tonight.
4. Your Father?
In heaven. Probably waiting to slug me for all those jokes at the funeral.
5. Your favourite food?
Too many. Wife makes everything. Chelsea spaghetti is up there.
6. Your dream last night?
I am on way too many pills to remember stuff that happens when I am awake. Forget remembering dreams.
7. Your favourite drink?
I just noticed that favorite = favourite in the lovely UK. Drink? Hmmm, what’s the temperature? Mom’s tea, McDonalds coffee, Red’s turpentine. Bring it on!
8. Your dream/goal?
Middle management, trailer home, and seniors discounts! That’s livin’ the dream.
9. What room are you in?
My wife’s bedroom. I am on the road too much to call it mine.
10. Your hobby?
Photography? Knaw! That’s a way of life to me, not a hobby! Now “being arbitrary” THAT’s a hobby!
11. Your fear?
I fear less everyday but maybe it’s not being able to solve all my problems. I thought I could years ago or at least I was foolish enough to think I could.
12. Where do you want to be in six years?
That’s easy! I would like to be eating crackers in one of the party rooms at the Bartonville State Asylum in Peoria, Illinois. “IT’S MY TURN TO HOLD THE GUINEA PIG!!!”
13. Where were you last night?
At home in Illinois.
14. Something that you’re not?
Afraid to put my foot in my mouth. I like it!
15. Muffins?
I thought you would never ask. After all you had two big plates sitting in front of me for the last half hour. I already ate three when you walked out of the room between question 4 and 7.
16. Wishlist item?
Nothing? Who says nothing? OK … let’s see, I want a wallet big enough to stash the national debt in $5 bills. Then I want to walk in and pay it off … but I want members of the Senate and House of Representatives (OF BOTH PARTIES) to take turns counting out the bills to make sure I pay them the correct amount. Yeah, that way they would be useful for a change!
17. Where did you grow up?
I have spent major portions of my life in the suburbs of three major cities. They are Toronto, Chicago and Dallas. I have yet to show any inclination to actually grow up. Still crazy after all these years.
18. Last thing you did?
THIS! I know I got that right!
19. What are you wearing?
A large tube sock! Sassy!
20. Your TV?
I do not own a TV. I got sick of it.
21. Your pets?
My wife owns a Rat Terrier and me.
22. Friends?
Oh yeah!
23. Your life?
One Adam Twelve, One Adam Twelve.
24. Your mood?
Umm, I don’t know. I’m not in jail.
25. Missing someone?
Really no. Does that sound bad? Is everyone supposed to miss someone? I feel like Boy George singing “I know you’ll miss me, I know you’ll miss me”. I am not missing anyone that I won’t see again. So, I really have no capacity to miss them. I miss my family when I am out of town for extended periods. BUT RIGHT NOW, I am home so I am not missin’ anybody. I think this means I should spend more time missing people. Maybe I miss some relatives. That’s a great line! Now they need to guess who they are!
26. Vehicle?
My wife has a car. I bought it but I really only get to drive an AVIS rental car in cities far away.
27. Something you’re not wearing?
Gee, what kind of sicko would ask that? OK, I gotta say underwear to make my family sick.
28. Your favourite store?
Coles Supermarket in Port Douglas, QLD, Australia.
29. Your Favourite colour?
Green! Geniuses pick green … but you didn’t pick it.
30. When was the last time you laughed?
I saw my Great Grandma fall down two flights of stairs this morning. I was dying.
31. The last time you cried?
Right after my Great Grandma got her Colt pistol out of her purse.
32. Your best friend?
She knows.
33. One place that I go to over and over?
The bathroom.
34. Facebook?
My teacher used to say “Face the wall and read your book.”
35. Favourite place to eat?
The courtyard in front of Coles Supermarket in Port Douglas, QLD, Australia.
Well, I am finally finished.Thanks again for the “Over The Top” Award JordieGirl.
NikonSniper Steve
Thursday, July 16, 2009
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